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Rihanna + Chris Brown: Coming Soon to a Police Blotter Near You

Christopher Polk / Ronald Martinez, Getty Images

Everyone saw it coming, and now it seems to be true: Rihanna and Chris Brown are co-mingling bodily fluids again, and we’re at a loss.

What do you get for the girl who has everything and just took her douchebag of an abusive boyfriend back?

Here’s the timeline of a disaster in the making:

On Monday night, the pair was spotted at a nightclub in NYC, where witnesses said they were “all over each other” and spent a cozy 20 minutes together in one of the club’s bathrooms because that’s super classy. Although they left the nightspot separately, hours later they were seen emerging from the same hotel within minutes of each other.

Tuesday afternoon, Brown’s girlfriend Karrueche Tran tweeted that he’d sent her candy, flowers and a teddy bear, the classic guilt gifts.

At a Jay-Z show on Wednesday night, a Twitter user took a photo of Chris and RiRi seated together with his arm over the back of her chair.

By Thursday, Brown announced he’d kicked Tran to the curb. “I have decided to be single to focus on my career,” he said, confusing everyone who didn’t know having sweaty hookups with pop stars in public restrooms was a career choice.

“I love Karrueche very much but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna,” he continued. “I’d rather be single allowing us to both be happy in our lives.”

So there you have it. Of course the dolts who’ve envisioned Chris and Rihanna as the Romeo and Juliet of our times are overjoyed at these developments — but meanwhile, the rest of us are just hoping Rih has a first-aid kit small enough to fit in her purse.

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